The days just keep getting better. I actually was able to by a shirt one size smaller than normal!!! And it isn't skin tight. Even Gunner gave me a hi-five. There is something completely validating about a 5 year old when he is proud of you!
Step 4 Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Fearless??? I don't know about fearless. I don't think that there is anything fearless about identifying every not great thing about myself. I understand an entire inventory includes the positive as well as the negative, but I have to be realistic, it isn't the great stuff about me that made me sick, it was the other junk, that is usually easier to see.
There is one thing that we must understand about these steps and that there is a way to identify flaws, but not go into this tailspin about how rotten and terrible people we are. Understanding humility is understanding that I am not perfect (don't tell my husband this because he is convinced that I am, or at least I am trying to get him to believe that).
This is one step that is difficult for me to write about because a searching and fearless moral inventory will take time and it will be something that I will need to do constantly. This whole process is a journey, not a destination.
The main "flaw" that I have is understanding that there are things that I can control and things that I cant ( the reason I love the serenity prayer and have to end every post with that). This not necessarily stuff that happens to me, it is people. I cant control how people act toward me. I cant control if people (clients) refuse my help. I cant control how people treat those I love. I cant control people who I don't understand why they do what they do. But man I wish that I could.
I am learning and although these blogs have been closer to the ramblings of a looney toon rather than any kind of wisdom, I am learning so much about myself it is hard to put into words. Reviewing and studying the steps is so enlightening to me and such a feeling of being free, it is amazing. There is no self help book that Dr. Phil could write that is better than the 12 steps.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
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