Step 2 (there's so much we can do)

I think that I just might keep up with the New Kids theme on my step work too!! Although I can only get to step five!!

Step 2- Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

The great thing about the steps is that there is so many things in just one step. There is so much to understand and so much that goes with just one step. That is why they are so powerful and so effective.

A power greater than ourselves- There have been times in my life where I have questioned "A Power greater than me?? Certainly not??" (We addicts also suffer from delusions from time to time:))! I was raised in a home that religion and faith in God was a daily thing. My mother literally had "faith to move mountains" and I have only truly understood that as I got older. The one thing that I truly admire about my mom is that she has faith like no one I have ever known. She believes that if there is a storm coming and she prays that it wont, and it doesn't, it was her prayers that caused that. I am grateful that I got that faith from her. I do believe that God can do anything and when we trust in Him we achieve clarity in our own lives. So in all reality the idea of a "Power greater than me" is something that I am truly grateful for.

The idea of something being greater than us is to offer hope and wisdom understanding that there will be things in our lives that we can not do on our own or handle on our own unless we seek out help. I have been personally seeking out this greater Power in my dealings with people. I have been tested in a lot of areas recently (at work) that really push me to act not like I normally do. Relying on my Higher Power is what helps me get through my days.

Also a Higher Power is strongest in our weakness and we are made strong in our weakness be His help. There are things that we feel that we "can not" do and actually they are things that we choose not to do because we are capable of anything. However in those times we feel that there isn't a choice, and if their is we aren't able to make it. A Higher Power helps to make those for us. So being nice to people who aren't nice to me is not something that I feel capable of, but I am capable if I allow my Higher Power to help me to be.

"can restore us to sanity". What is that!!!!! As a counselor I often wonder "Am I really healthy enough to be doing this". It is a good thing that clarity comes when you are looking at someone else's problems.

The reason that we addicts need Someone to restore sanity to us is that if we really understood what that meant would would have never allowed ourselves to get to the point that we are. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. The cycle of my food addiction is obviously that. One example being that I feel bad, so I eat; then feel bad for eating and then eat because I feel bad. If that isn't insanity then I don't know what is. It would seem that I am trying to avoid the feeling bad after I eat and only feeling good when I do eat. This doesn't seem to go away.

Tonight for me was a perfect example. Another rotten day at work and I had to drive around for a good hour until I had convinced myself to not eat!!! The good thing is that I was able to change my thinking, the bad thing is that my first response is to go right to food (oh, the joy of one day not feeling like that). The thing that helped me the most was realizing that if I eat, and ruin the great work I have started then those nasty rags I work with win. I suffer, they win-hello!!?!?!?!! INSANE?!?!?!?! During that time of driving around I finally had to stop and say "God help me!!!" It was then, when I finally stopped trying to figure out things myself (like why are people so NASTY some times) I was able to see clearly. An answer to my questions isn't always necessary. My willingness to understand that there wont always be one and that I don't always need one is what is necessary.

The main thing to understand here is that your Higher Power can be whatever you like, and I am not being "preachy", but just saying that there has to be something bigger than all of us, and why not take the help that we can. We need help to get out of the mess we are in.

I weighed myself today and was not as shocked by the number I saw. Remember I am not brave enough to post it here (give me a break,, i think that I have been honest about enough.. let me have this one thing) I am not going to weigh myself weekly, but am going to do it bi-weekly. I already have it written on my calendar, so I will keep you informed when I do.

and man oh man did I need this today
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.