in your head

So I totally have that song by garbage (i think), i think it is called Zombie when she sings over and over again, In your head, in your head!! I have decided that I have spent WAY to much time there over the last few weeks. I wonder if I thought about eating as much as I have thought about not eating. I don't remember my life revolving around food and that being what I thought about all day every day. I can be so distracted thinking about food.

I have also spent way to much time in my head trying to figure out every thought and every decision I make, making sure that my motives or reasons are okay. For example-just so you know the whole quitting smoking thing was NOT in the cards for me. Mama has to pick her battles and I tell you what, that was not one that I was interested in taking. I lasted two days, and that is about it. Not only was I thinking non stop about food, but I was thinking non stop about smoking and how I couldn't. I would find my self smiling when I would think about how I could smoke on the way home from work (stupid state facility and state grounds on which smoking is not allowed..grrrr), only to be disappointed when I realized that there would be no glorious taste of smoke filtering my lungs. (Again, makes me smile to think about it)!! Very sad, I am very sad. My thought is I cant do everything at once, and why am I trying to. Then I feel like I am just making excuses for bad behavior. Then I think, "don't be so hard on yourself, you are doing so good and eating right and exercising you don't want to see those fail do you." Then I think what is the point of eating right and exercising to die from lung cancer. Then I think........ See I told you I have been in my head way to much!!!

So all of that being said, I am saying "Adios" to my head, I will be back when I can take someone (healthy) with me!!! hee hee.. I will not over analyze my every thought. I will not play psychiatrist because I am definitely not one. I will be gracious and know that everything that I am doing right now is new to me. I will give my self compliments for a job well done, and not try to find everything that I did wrong. (If I were there would be alot of REALLY sick people out there:) At least I will do that for the rest of the day!! Good thing there is only a few hours of it left for me:).

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.