Did anyone catch the New Kids on the Block reference in the title :) You're welcome for that. I know I didn't post and don't worry, I didn't fall of the wagon or anything!! I was busy and couldn't get to it.
Since I have been referencing addiction throughout my posts what better thing to talk about than one of the best ways to deal with addiction, the 12 Steps of AA/NA. It is my personal believe that the steps are good practice for any random Joe, not just addicts. If people understood the steps and put them into practice I think that we would all be better people. So for the next 12 steps I will talk about how they apply to me. Make sure that we all understand that to actually "work" the steps will take much longer than 12 days, but to relate to them will be easy to do.
Just replace your drug of choice instead of alcohol-
Step 1- "We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol (food)-that our lives had become unmanageable.
There are two parts to this step- First understanding that we are powerless and the second that our lives had become unmanageable.
Powerlessness simply means that we have no power, unable to produce an effect, helpless (at least that is what dictionary.com says)! For me, this means that I am helpless when it comes to food. I can not do it in moderation, I can not "eat socially", I am helpless when it comes to food. The ability to say no to food, for the majority of my life, had not only been something that I didn't have, but something that I didn't want. I wanted to put any and everything in my mouth that I could. I wanted to eat things that I knew were terrible for me, that I was not hungry for, just because I wanted to. This is how my addiction started. Just like any addiction starts. We start for those reasons, because we like it and because it makes us feel good. BUT we do NOT continue in our addictions just because of that- If so then we would be FOOLS!! That is the idea behind the fact that I could look in the mirror and know I had to do something about my weight, but didn't. I would have to get a bigger size and realize that I had to do something about my weight, but would go to the food court right after realizing I had to buy that bigger size and literally have an inability to stop myself from ordering something that would make me feel good at the time and forget what I was feeling bad about. Regardless of what some people think, I will never be convinced that addiction is a choice or something we have control over once we get started. Now don't be confused, I am in complete control over whether or not I get started, for example, once I start eating for something other than what is necessary or healthy that is when my inability to control myself comes into play. My addictive logic goes back into practice and all of that negative thinking (I can start over tomorrow, this wont hurt, it will make me feel better) starts up again. That is what I have to seek out help to control. But up until that time, I do have control and can manage myself if I choose to.
The second part of this is that our lives had become unmanageable. This is obvious in my life. When I avoid even letting my husband see me (when I KNOW that he loves me no matter what, because I was no skinny minnie before we got married), when I started hiding when and what I was eating, when I cant play with my son for very long because I get tired or that I am just to lazy to do, when I keep scraping by in tests for diabetes just barley missing the diabetic mark, When I am at the largest size that is made for women (at least at any stores I know of) THAT MEANS MY LIFE IS UNMANAGEABLE. Part of me is even embarrassed to write some of those things because people can see that. But as I said before we are only as sick as the secrets that we keep and I said I wouldn't keep any.
I know once I understand this foundational part of my recovery from food addiction then I will be able to do just fine. I have also found a support group Over-eaters Anonymous in a town close to me. I think that I will attempt to attend that meeting. I will be able to think of a thousand excuses of why I cant, so bear with me, but I will try to attend one to at least see what it is like.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
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I do not know the steps well, so I am very much looking forward to the food perspective of the steps. Maybe this will help me understand the 12 steps better and be able to relate to my clients better. thanks for doing this.
ReplyDeleteI have also contemplated attending an over eaters anonymous meeting and have never went. maybe your bravery will light the way. good job today on the blog.